So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
