What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
