remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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