he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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