She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You need Xanax blowdarts
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
