Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
