I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
