Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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