Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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