I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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