god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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