I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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