why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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