everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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