I'm really into asian looking animals
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
