lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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