Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
