fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
