I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
