so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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