She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
