Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
