Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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