i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
