Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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