at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're like the curious george of whores
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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