You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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