I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
