you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
