my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
