3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
