We got so high we made milksteak
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
