This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
