Do you still have your period?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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