please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
