Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
