i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
