I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
