thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
