dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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