i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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