On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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