I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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