Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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