Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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