I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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