Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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