Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
