Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
