she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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