i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
