i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
