Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
